Tears: The Best Eye Make-Up Remover

I will be blunt: Yesterday was what most would define as an "emotional roller coaster."  If any of you who are reading this happened to see me yesterday you probably couldn't tell how I was feeling.  Unfortunately, I have become all-too-acquainted over the years with putting on a smile and making others laugh while on the inside I myself am crying.  My current thoughts are continuations of everything I was going through yesterday.  Allow me to warn the reader that the following paragraphs may take you quite some time to get through.  I apologize in advance for being lengthy.

First, let me say that my week started out on a pretty good note -- until 4:05 Monday evening.  It was then that I realized the closing manager at Blockbuster had more than likely entirely forgotten that he worked that night.  Normally 5 minutes wouldn't be a particularly big deal, but considering this person always texts me when he's going to be late... let's just say I knew it was going to be a long night.  I ended up staying until 6:05 when I was scheduled to leave at 4:00.  Knowing that Katy (the store manager) had to open the store on Tuesday, I told her I would come back and work 9:00 to close so she could get an extra hour of sleep before returning to the store at 9:00 the following morning.  The closing CSR (customer service representative), Neil, and I were in the parking lot by 10:09.

Thankfully, I didn't have to be at work until noon on Tuesday.  I slept in and awoke on my own at 9:30-ish.  I remembered that Matt (the youth pastor at CCoM) had asked us to read Genesis 41-45 before youth group that night.  I read the passage (which is the story of Joseph and the time he spent in Egypt) and then wrote about it in a letter to my cousin Josh who is currently in Iraq upholding our rights and freedoms.  I grabbed a cup of coffee, a muffin-like breakfast item and took a shower.  I made it to work a few minutes late, but I got there nonetheless.

Everything went on as usual: Katy and I constantly bantered each other playfully while receiving new movies into inventory and helping customers.  Then we decided to take a "break" so-to-speak and pick out some movies to buy for ourselves (our next paycheck comes on Friday).  While wandering the isles I came across 4 movies I wanted to add to my collection, plus a movie I knew my dad would want to own: "Flicka."  I grabbed the movie and then thought to myself,"You know what?  I want to own that movie, too."  I snatched up a second copy and went to ring all of my purchases up at the register.  It wasn't until I scanned both copies of "Flicka" that the following thought hit me like a rock.  "Wow.  I'm really moving out in May.  And I'm really going to have to start thinking of my things as being separate from my family's things."

That was just the first thought.  Aaron picked me up from work at 5:45-ish and we went to youth group, stopping for something to eat on the way.  The air was heavy between us as Aaron was mentally and emotionally preparing himself to inform the band that he was stepping down from the band for a while.  We went into the worship room and separated to sit with different friends.  During praise and worship (which was amazing) the thought about moving out kept coming back to me.  I know that God has orchestrated every step of my journey thus far and every step ahead of me.  I know that moving out is really what's best for every party involved.  Goodness -- God laid it on my heart to move out.  So why was this so difficult to face?  I laid it at Jesus' feet and prepared my mind for the teaching.  At least... I thought I did.

Matt taught on Romans 12:1-2, last night.  It was really powerful and exactly what I needed to hear.  Working at Blockbuster for the past year (yes -- it was one year on February 5th!) has been quite tough spiritually.  Especially now that I'm the assistant manager of the store.  I am required to rent new movies so that I can give effective reviews on them when they come out.  Sadly, few and far between are the movies which are actually encouraging.  The most difficult part about this is fighting to think of it as work and not allow it to penetrate every area of my life.  I've actually thought about writing to one of the head movie reviewers for Focus on the Family to try and obtain some encouragement.  Last night's teaching was a much-needed reminder that my mind is a part of my body and my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.  Matt asked "What right do we have to hurt the temple?!"  If you can't say "amen," you better say "ouch."

While Aaron was talking to the band afterwards I had the opportunity to talk to / pray with a few girls and encourage them in their walks.  This was much-needed, as well.  Aaron and I left church in a hurry so he could get home to a previous engagement he had online.  While he was on his computer I was on mine.  I checked my e-mail, wrote an old friend and then opened my iTunes library.  I'm not sure whether that turned out to be a blessing or a curse.

I remembered that I wanted Aaron to hear a couple country songs I had heard at work.  So I searched for them online.  The one that got me thinking yet again was "Get Ready, Get Set, Don't Go" performed by Billy Ray and Miley Cyrus.  The song is about Miley growing up and Billy Ray needing to let her go.  I cried to myself (unbeknownst to Aaron) and started a new playlist called, "It's Okay to Let Me Go."  I went through each and every song in my library and added songs to the playlist which I intend to make into a CD for my parents.  With every song came another proverbial tear.  Each tear brought me one step closer to the realization that this is how it is supposed to be.  God gave us parents to teach us how to live in Christ.  Our parents will always be teachers -- by example and by words.  However, there comes a time when our parents fly us to the edge of the nest and give a gentle push.  That's when we find that our wings are there for more than decoration.  *smiles through her tears*  That time for me is now.

2008 has been and will continue to be a year of change and adaptation.  I had to temporarily say goodbye to my best friend as she flew off to Australia to take the next step in her journey.  I've decided to move out in May.  God provided me with a decent-paying job.  Furniture for my new home is piling up.  I'm taking 2 online classes this semester so I still have time to work 40 hours per week.  My sister is now 8 and doing all the things I loved doing at that age -- and more!  My 16-year-old brother is driving around town with his permit.  My 13-year-old brother continues to impress me with his writing skills.  Daddy has already seen his share of troubles with the news that his kidneys are functioning at 60%.  Mommy continues on with faithful endurance as she plays wife, mom, sister, friend, daughter-in-law and secretary/vice-president of the plumbing business.  New friends are being made and old friends are growing closer.

The year has only begun, my friends!  My God is great, and greatly to be praised.  He is personal and He loves me every step of the way.  "People change and plans get changed and everything changes but You.  You always stay the same..."  2008 is going to be a marvelous year.  I look forward to every single day of it.  I hope you'll hang in there with me as I make wondrous discoveries.  Yesterday's discover was this:  Tears make the best eye make-up remover.  Will you stick around with me to find out what today's adventure will unveil?  I hope so.

With tears from lessons learned,

Rebecca Marie L'Allier